No, Slow, Grow or Go

Long, long ago, in a land far away...actually, about 15 years ago while we were living in St. Louis, I heard a sermon that was so profound I will never forget it.  Our pastor preached that God answers our prayers in one of four ways: no: not going to happen, slow: slow down and take your ("My" meaning God's) time, grow: you need to experience some growth before I give this to you, or go: a YES to your prayer request.

Fast forward 8 years to our home in Nixa.  Our lives were speeding by at 100 miles an hour--what's changed, right?  We had 3 children within 3.5 years and our oldest had just been diagnosed with autism.  So, in our home was a non-verbal 3 year old, a 22 month old who didn't stop talking and a newborn.  Showers were a luxury I was granted about every third day.  Sleeping more than 2 hours at a time was non-existent.  In an effort to help our daughter begin speaking, we decided to start her on a gluten and casein free diet.  Forget chicken nuggets from the store, boxed mac and cheese, ice cream, yogurt, bread...everything she craved was not allowed.  All of her food had to been homemade or was specially prepared food that was purchased at ridiculous prices from a specialty market.  She was also attending a preschool for autistic children that was costing us $1900 a month and was a 30 minute drive one-way.  Things were nuts!  Around this time, I decided that our family was complete.  We had 3 amazing kiddos, we finally had our boy...we were golden.  When I presented my case to Rob, he agreed and said he would have a vasectomy.

Forward one year and I had adjusted fairly well.  We had a plan: a schedule for commuting to and from preschool, special diets were going well and our oldest was now speaking and was potty trained.  Things were moving forward and I felt like I somewhat had our lives under control.  However, deep inside I was sad.  I wanted another baby.  When I finally had enough courage to share this with Rob, he kindly told me he was not having a reversal.  After moping around for a few weeks, then realizing I was not having any more babies, I began to pray.  I prayed that God would give us another son.  I didn't care if he was a baby or a boy, I didn't care how he came to us.  I just prayed, with faith, that we would add another son to our family.

Six years passed and while I was still praying for another son, I began to have doubts and wonder if that was really what I wanted.  My "littles" were now "biggies": no more diapers, no bottles, no naps, no sleepless night.  We could leave the house at 8am and be gone until 8pm and everyone could handle it.  Rob and I had many discussions about how we were so loving this stage of life  The kids were so fun and were able to do so much.  We vacationed at the beach, took a cruise.  Yet, I continued to pray for another son.

October 9, 2014, my family and I stood in front of a judge and adopted a precious 1 year old boy who had come into our home as a foster baby a year earlier at 3 days old.  As I've pondered Jackson becoming part of our family, I've wondered many things: why 6 years?  What did I learn during that time?  How did I grow during the wait?  While I may not ever know the answer to some of these questions, I do know that God always answers our prayers...in one way or another.